(The post below started it’s life as an instagram post, but social media has such a short shelf life in general, and I feel that these thoughts deserve a somewhat more permanent place. So here it is, ever so slightly edited, as a blog post.)
I would have loved to be asleep right now, but you’re still awake so here I am. Laying in the dark, by your side. Dreaming of sleeping.
And I allow the dark clouds to sail in. The uncomfortable thoughts, the worries and the ‘what if’s…
What if I fail you?
What if one day, I get too tired to care for you?
What if any of us get really ill?
What if we crash mentally, physically, financially…?
What happens when you get stronger than me, stronger than us? What happens then when anxiety sets off a response in you of fight or flight?
How will you cope with growing up, how will all the hormones of puberty affect you? What if you get too angry? What if you lose your happy spirit?
What will life be like for you as an adult?
What if you outlive us and there is nobody left to love you?
Letting theses thoughts exist, and putting them into words can help, in a way, making me feel less anxious. Acknowledging worries is also an aspect of mindfulness.
But there are still some thoughts that I don’t want to put into words. Some worries which I feel (for no logical reason) will become more powerful, more real, if I name them.
Whatever the worries, I take comfort in the moment. Right now, you’re happy and we are here together.
In this moment, I’m here in the warmth of your presence.
And there is nowhere I’d rather be.
Thank you so much for reading! If you have any thoughts on what you’ve just read, I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. And please join us on social media too:
Linking up with: